The Unexpected Realities of a Fatal Encounter: A Police Officer’s Perspective

The human body’s response to life-and-death situations is complex and multifaceted. While medical doctors and psychologists delve into the specifics, understanding the common threads experienced by law enforcement officers in deadly encounters is crucial. This article explores those realities, drawing insights from David Klinger’s Into the Kill Zone; A cop’s eye view of deadly force and personal experiences.

Klinger’s research, based on interviews with 80 officers after deadly encounters, reveals common experiences. While each situation is unique, these shared responses highlight the physiological and psychological impact of such events. It’s important for friends, family, and the public to understand that these reactions are normal, regardless of an officer’s perceived toughness.

Here are some common experiences reported by officers:

1. Blackouts: Moments of black out were frequently reported, with officers experiencing gaps in their memory of the event.
2. Unexplained Movement: Officers sometimes found themselves in different locations without a clear memory of how they got there. This lack of memory is not unusual.
3. Slow Motion: The action often seemed to unfold in slow motion, distorting the perception of time.
4. Outer Body Experience: Many officers described feeling detached, as if they were watching the event happen to someone else, like a dream.
5. Auditory Exclusion: Officers often did not hear their weapon fire, even when using high-powered rifles in enclosed spaces. This phenomenon is known as auditory exclusion.
6. Ammunition Discrepancy: Officers frequently fired more rounds than they consciously remembered.
7. Suspect Non-Compliance: Officers were often surprised when suspects did not immediately stop after being struck by gunfire.
8. Limited Critical Thinking: There was often no time for critical thinking, only swift reaction based on training and instinct.
9. Tunnel Vision: Due to tunnel vision during the shooting, officers often had a limited understanding of the broader context, necessitating thorough debriefing and investigation to fill in the gaps.
10. Perceived Misses: Officers frequently believed they had missed, even when they had accurately hit the suspect.
11. Differing Perspectives: Varying accounts of the event from different officers involved are common, not exceptional.
12. Regret: Regret for missed warning signs or decisions made during the incident is a common emotional response.
13. Dream Alterations: Strange dreams before a shooting often changed afterward, reflecting the trauma experienced.
14. Emotional Range: A wide range of emotions is normal, including prolonged anger, numbness, empathy for the suspect (wounded or their family), unexplained tears, euphoria, and vomiting from anxiety.

A Personal Account

In 2002, I was involved in a fatal shooting. Sharing these experiences is done with humility, not pride. This incident is not a trophy but a painful memory for two families.

During my incident:

• I experienced a two-second blackout during the five-second encounter. The occipital lobe (visual processing center) shut down when I perceived imminent death but quickly returned during the fight-or-flight response.
• The encounter felt like an out-of-body experience, as if I were an observer.
• I fired a .45 caliber handgun in close quarters but did not hear the shot.
• There was no time to prepare. I expected a physical fight with an unarmed suspect but was met with a descending axe upon entering the room.
• After the axe struck me, I fired a single round, which struck the suspect’s brain stem. He collapsed, falling on the axe.
• Immediately after the shooting, I didn’t see the axe and briefly thought I had imagined it, fearing criminal prosecution for killing an unarmed man. The relief upon finding the axe was immense.
• I was anxious to learn the unknown details, but the debriefing was delayed. We later learned the suspect had a history of mental illness.
• I initially thought I had missed and that someone behind me had shot him. Other officers present had varying perspectives. One thought I was killed and fired a beanbag at the suspect.
• I felt tremendous empathy for the suspect’s mother, who was being extorted by her son.
• I experienced physical fatigue the next day but no immediate emotional effects. Five days later, while in church, I unexpectedly began to cry uncontrollably, overwhelmed by the thought that it could have been my funeral.

The Experience of Being Wounded

Klinger’s work also addresses the sensations experienced when an officer is wounded during a gunbattle:

15. Burning sensation—like they were on fire.
16. Cutting like a knife.
17. Hot steal.
18. Feeling like a severe sting.
19. Similar to being burned with a cigarette.

The Role of Faith

Many officers believe in divine intervention during deadly encounters:

20. They mentioned the presence of guardian angels.
21. Pictures of loved one’s flashed into their thoughts.
22. There were unexplained circumstances described as miracles.

I believe God spared my life through unexplained circumstances. I share these details not to glorify violence but to provide context to the public, who often have misinformed opinions about officer-involved shootings. Physiological and biological realities are often overlooked in media coverage.

These factors influence events and offer explanations for seemingly unexplainable circumstances. These responses are not limited to shootings; officers face life-changing events daily, and these reactions are common. Peace officers feel slighted when the human element is absent from public discourse.

I was fortunate. The only long-term effect was regret that I was never allowed to speak with the deceased’s mother. Despite repeated requests, I was denied permission due to concerns about civil rights violations. On the fourth anniversary, I was sent to a psychologist instead, who acknowledged my desire as “noble.” After retirement, I attempted to contact the woman but learned she had moved or passed away.

To my fellow law enforcement officers: never forget that your work is also noble, very noble indeed!

There is a Happy Ending After My Dad Was Nearly Killed